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The journal of the poor.

Hello people! I wrote this entry on my personal lj, but I realized you might enjoy seeing it.

I made this baby today while eating breakfast.



My camera is incapable of capturing the white details :( I've tried with all sorts of light (natural, electric, in the bathroom, in my room, in the livingroom... but nothing works). It's a zine kind of journal.



I've been feeling lately that there's a hole in my journaling activities; I never write about activities, daily routines, family stuff, friends stuff, work stuff, or anything semingly mundane. My 3 journals are 100% thoughts & feelings, with very brief mention of what might have triggered the thoughts or feelings. The only place where I mention activities, experiences and happenings is in my weekly gratitude lists, but there's no direct link between my lists and actual entries. I don't know how to explain it, my journaling style sounds complicated but I swear it isn't! I just can't explain myself properly.

So I have a problem. Sometimes my days suck, sometimes they're bleh and sometimes I'm in ecstasy: the normal existence of all mortals. When I'm feeling down, I tend to go to the couple of pages in my ring binder journal where I keep a list of things that rise my vibration. But lately the pages don't speak to me. I read the suggestions but I feel kinda bored, and one of the things that makes me roll my eyes is the fact that the list has become so long that when I'm feeling blue I don't feel like reading a huge-ass list of suggestions, no matter how well-intentioned I was when I made it. I want a quick solution and, at the same time, I'd appreciate a step-by-step guide personalized for me.

The last few days have been very hard for me emotionally, and no matter how many hours I sat down with myself and asked "What do you want? Say what you need and I'll do it!" but I couldn't come up with anything. I'd just say to myself "I want to feel good, that's all", and I'd go walk in nature, or read a book, but after an hour the good effects would wear off. At one point I thought "I wish I knew what I was doing on a daily basis before this funk got to me". So finally today I had an epiphany :)

As I was having breakfast, I decided to write out everything I do on my fantastic days, so that I can read in detail what I did those days that kept my mood great, so I can recreate it. Since I am poor as a rat, I haven't been able to buy journals in almost a year, but that's poverty's never stopped me! I'm simply put together a few pages, folded them in half and sew them together, did a cover, and that's it! I still have to find some sort of carcass of an old page-less book or journal to keep the pages in. The carcass og a page-less moleskine is what I'm using for my soon-to-be new art journal. I will make a post about it when I begin, but I still have 6 pages left on my paperblanks notebook.

I'm so excited about having no notebook to fill :D I experimented last year with sewing folded pages, but after a few months, it was like I had a million scraps of paper with tons of writing, and I was always misplacing everything and it was too messy, and I missed having a proper notebook, so I bought one. That was a text-only journal, though, so maybe with this one being only for junk/smashing and vision boarding, it will work...? We'll see. I'm so excited!



I don't even have a ruler. You gotta use what you've got.





ps: Maybe I should include the materials used: Blue (very dilluted) watercolor all over the page as a base. Stabilo pens for the letters. The flowers & rabbits were filled with stabilo pens and gel pens.

Comments

( 8 comments — Leave a comment )
kaishin108
Feb. 9th, 2013 01:56 pm (UTC)
Nice journal, it encourages me so thank you! I am struggling this year to get back into my paper journal, I am not sure what happened...
(Deleted comment)
frailtyisgentle
Feb. 9th, 2013 06:58 pm (UTC)
that journal is so beautiful, you've done an amazing job! your approach to journal-writing is interesting and inspiring :)
alexandrawolff
Feb. 9th, 2013 08:11 pm (UTC)
thank you! :)
andjadesmiled
Feb. 9th, 2013 07:25 pm (UTC)
What a great idea, it's lovely! And yes, that's something a lot of people forget to do (myself included) - to write about the good days so they can be replicated. I do the same - rant about the bad days, but then I never get round to the good ones and then I wonder why I feel so low!

Stay well :)

xxx
alexandrawolff
Feb. 9th, 2013 08:14 pm (UTC)
agree. I used to go on and on ranting, and I would always burn or throw away the pages because they were too negative. Then I simply stopped ranting in journals, and do it instead in sheets of paper that I keep for a few weeks, until I've processed the drama -lol- and then I burn them.
But with the positive days, I'm so looking forward to write down a step-by-step of the best days, like a recipe book really, "the best recipes for a glorious day" heehee
kinston
Feb. 11th, 2013 12:47 am (UTC)
This is such a beautiful little book. I really hope it works in the way you intend, but I am feeling very confident for you that it will.

May I ask a question? As someone who writes strictly about events and daily happenings, I feel like I am missing out on writing about emotions. Would you be willing to share what a normal diary entry for you might be like when you are writing solely your thoughts and feelings? I tried it and it just felt like I was doing it wrong, and I was hoping you could share an example for me to use as a jumping off point, I suppose. It really does sound complicated to me and I am hoping you would be willing to help.
alexandrawolff
Feb. 11th, 2013 10:10 am (UTC)
thank you!

And sure I can share certain writings, but I swear there is no such thing as doing it wrong!

This is from January 27:

"19'00. Been feeling low for days. I've lost the drive I had during the last weeks of December. I'm not even in the mood to celebrate birthdays. Lonelines has possessed me.
People... I received a few compliments this week, and I thought What's the fucking point? I don't care about compliment, because those people don't really know me.
I've been watching teen dramas in bed for four hours. I want to be engulfed by these fictional worlds and forget the meaninglessness of my life. These teen shows are kinda cruel because they remind me of a time when everybody tells you "You have your entire life ahead of you, don't rush" but it's a lie. Time flies by once you leave high school, and I don't have the opportunities I used to have. I'm almost thirty now, and relationships are almost impossible to form. I'm bored with life, and whenever I try a new thing, it feels meaningless.

I want to feel alive."

See? Some activities or events are important (to me) to write about just to set the origin, or the trigger, the thing that caused me to think the thoughts, or the feelings. It's nothing strange, everyone does this in more or less degree, it's just that I can't explain myself properly when I say what I tend to write about -lol- In this entry there's really no final self-realized solution to my "problem", sometimes I do have an epiphany at the end, sometimes it doesn't happen. Actually, in that entry I realized that I'm bored as hell with life -lol- and that I need to try hard to find amusing things to do.

Since you like to write about happenings, I think you can actually use them to write how you felt about them (if you felt something). For example, I write about New Year's Eve in detail every year, because it's always been a nightmare for me being with my family. So I write every word they said to me (and how it made me feel: insecure, safe, bored, happy), every conversation I eavesdropped, how I was treated at the table (I'm a vegan and there's always drama, people insulting me, etc), and even how I felt in my especial outfit. And then I include an overall opinion on the whole night.
I remember that this past NYE I even wrote about how the car trip to my uncle's house, and the trip back home, are my favourite moments of the night, with the moon up high, listening to my favourite music, and feeling strangely nervous and calm at times, etc.

This way, when the next NYE comes, I look at the previous ones and see if there's been any evolution, and yes! Every year it gets better, my family is less rude towards me as time goes by. One wouldn't be able to tell differences and evolutions unless you record what happens, you know :) and instead of being overwhelmed by thinking "OMG What rudeness will they do to me this year?" I go "Ok, they'll be assholes, but I wonder how this year is going to be better than the last?" and it's much more positive and safe going into event knowing that something "better than the last" is going to happen :)

Tell us about your progress with writing! :D
( 8 comments — Leave a comment )